6/21

many years ago,
when i was preparing for my first show,
i found a bright green chrysalis while washing some sorrell from the farm market.

i put it in my studio and watched it change,
eventually it got very mushy and kind of gross
and i thought it was rotting

one morning i walked into my studio and there was this beautiful monarch butterfly
she had just emerged and was dripping wet
within moments she was flying all around
i managed to capture her and set her free in my "garden"

i took this beautiful sign
as divine encouragement
given to me to support the strength and energy and creativity i was going to need over the next few weeks
during the time i was pulling the show together

this is a portion of one of the last paintings i was working on
it didn't make it into the show
but that didn't matter
its spirit guided me through
and i was able to rely on this miracle to give me strength for many years after.

today was a difficult day for me
the reasons why were going to be the subject of my posts
but something else happened:
a miracle i think

in the mail arrived the lovely object you see here
as part of the artpals project i have with fernando:
snailmail

as you can see
it fits in the palm of my hand
and it feels like a missing piece of me
a piece that is found
one that i can take with me
when everything else must go away

this feels like true comfort to me
and at this moment it is truly needed,
not only because i am losing my main support systems:
my studio, my home, my work
and not only because i have no clear idea of where or when i can start rebuilding them
but also because i have discovered something about myself
that i have to acknowledge
after a lifetime of denying it
and that has left me feeling fairly vulnerable
inside as well as out

so i have this piece,
that came from the heart
to bring with me
and to remind me
that all is not lost
and that which is
will be found

thank you my dear*************