the problem with my not having enough time by myself seems to lie in the danger of my identification with others. if i spend too long out in the world, i start to lose the sense of who i am and begin to believe that what works for most people should make me happy as well. unfortunately this is not true and it only leads to a great deal of trauma and anxiety.

the reality is that i know what i need and what's important to me: to be able to paint and stay alive. therefore, every decision i make has to stem from this. it is not about giving things up, it is about making choices that honestly take into account what is most important, what will bring me what i want. it means being able to evaluate what course of action will allow me to stay true to myself and following that even if the choices i make seem bizarre and are not understood by most people.