7/16

the question also arises
"have i jumped the gun"
i am still not in a place where i can have long stretches of time alone
i am still not in a place where i can live in a world of my making

but i am in the place where i have many outside responsibilities weighing on me:
paperwork,
financial,
job work,
house stuff,
community stuff
and while i am in the studio it gnaws at me
and the fact that i will need to go into "overdrive"
to accomplish it all
threatens the state of mind that i need to paint

and then there are the things connected with my work
that i have let go:
my website
the random thoughts project
the work from the watercolor show last year
my gallery...

all this builds to a wave of anxiety
that as soon as i relax into the process
begins to engulf me


i am trying to compartmentalize stuff
make places for it to get done,
to juggle all of this
but i feel as if i am dropping the balls