5/10

how amazing really
that the picture i used to begin her memorial slideshow
(it might take quite some time to load)
is today's picture from last year.

we played this at the very beginning
to kick things off
my brother and i watched from the side
his arm holding me tight
all of a sudden
i realized what was going on
what we all were doing there
what we were watching
and that everyone in that room
was there because my mother was dead
the undeniability of this
hit me hard

i quickly had to throw up a wall
or i would have been so reduced to tears
that I wouldn't be able to speak
and my part of the eulogy was next.
so i passed the rest of the afternoon
in a fairly removed state
which was possibly for the best,
it allowed me to function.