12/10

today is the first time in almost 3 months that i allowed myself to feel
any of that pain,
any of that fear,
any of that horror.
and i am sure i have only scratched the surface
and i am sure that is where some of the anger and depression is coming from

the first thing i remembered was the feeling that i didn't deseve any better;
how could i possibley expect more than the gifts i have been given
and that i didn't know my place
and i needed to be taught a lesson.