shame is one of the most difficult, most destructive emotions
it is like it was then
but harder
then, it came in a blast that had to be repressed
because there was no place made for it
because i allowed compassion and faith to override it
and so it was suppressed
and so it has surfaced with a vengeance
because there is nothing to mediate it now
nothing to offset it
and its energy is hateful
but it can't be pushed down
it is going to have to transform into something else
and from where i sit now
it's not what i ever wanted
and that makes me sad.