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painting out the lies
by neene on January 31, 2006

1/31

or what the silver lining turned out to be...

so (clearly) last night i sank pretty low, it was the case of the last straw:
the one thing that had been keeping me going during these past months when i haven't really been painting was a belief that instead, i am setting up for the next phase of my life, laying the ground work for a time & space that i can devote totally to my work.
and i have been feeling that i am doing a good job of this,
well last night i discovered that i had made a rather stupid and irrevocable error concerning finances.
it's not that i lost that much money, it's that i lost a great opportunity
this just kind of wiped me out
and down i went, convinced it was a spiral that i was destined to descend with.

this morning, honestly wasn't much easier though i tried to put into perspective what really mattered to me.
and then something else happened (out of my control) that i could have taken as confirmation of this down turn
and instead i said fuck it
and went into the studio to work on the random thoughts series, which i haven't been able to do in months

and i believe i wouldn't have been able to do this if i hadn't gotten to such an extreme place,
where i felt as if i had been telling myself lies to make the best of the hurdles i was facing
i wouldn't have needed to confront the bare truth which is I HAVE TO PAINT unless i was forced to
and i was forced to, by the fact there was no place else to go, i had hit a wall and my only choice was to turn around and confront what i was running from
so i just dropped everything i was doing
and started painting out the lies that i have been telling myself.
©2004-16 nina meledandri
This work is subject to this license.
some rights reserved
Messages:

well done then!

one way or another the losses are part of the game and if in this case it brought you back what really matters to you...good job.

i have always made the worse choices along my life concerning finances but whenever i'd realize the truthful thing which mattered to me had to be paid a price as wel.
that kind of quieted down the demanding voices toward material stuff.
choices, choices...

come back up now dear one!
gato_gato - Feb 01, 2006

dear friend...
know that your painting
(and your friendship)
have gotten me through some pretty low places of my own
:*
bruce - Feb 01, 2006

wish i could do for you what your pages+writings have been doing for me

i cannot say i'm walking in circles,
but certainly in a steady elliptical move....
some wrong choices, some bad moves alternating with their opposites
but will not say here which part of this ellipse is the longest and most distant of the centre

guess

+ abraço
serial_mami - Feb 01, 2006

love this picture !
and its colours
serial_mami - Feb 01, 2006

iLOVEu
I love YOU
iLOveyoU!!!!!
obdaDabiLL - Feb 02, 2006

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