3/29

i give up



i am not brave
i am not all those other things
but i am tired

it's not bad
it's just real

perhaps i have truly reached the bottom of the descent
the descent i was trying to paint my way out of last summer
but sometimes there is no substitution for the real thing.

i am fine with that
it is honest
and while the rest of it isn't a lie per se
it also isn't the truth

all i know is now the thing is to become as empty as possible
so when one of the possibilities that is waiting for me
engulfs me
i can be filled again without risk of contamination