6/25

so in some respects, life was easier today,
basically because i am back to inhabiting my own version of the world;
accountable only to me,
needing only me,
wanting only to put one foot ahead of the other
and get done what needs to get done.

there is a sense of calmness
but no joy
there is resoluteness
but no anticipation

the most difficult part has been uncovering the layers
not only the physical ones
but the metaphoric ones as well
now that i am acknowledging my own needs
i have a growing awareness of the many systems that i developed over the years
the things i have put into place that allow me to cope with the world
and i am going to be leaving most of these behind as well
this is bigger than just leaving my home
this is bigger than not having my studio
yet somehow i never stopped to think
what is going to happen,
how i will function,
without these things to support me