10/8

so,
i have been having difficulty with almost everything in my life
which i guess boils down to difficulty with myself

i am stuck in a myriad of ways
unable to go forward on the house
unable to complete projects
unable to unpack
unable to return correspondence
unable to be in my skin
unable to look forward to anything
unable to shoot

the last one makes these journals here particularly difficult to keep going
that is compinded by the fact that it is getting harder and harder to expose myself here
or deal with real issues
whoever "neene" and "animus" are, they have become something outside of me
they are not a part of me
somehow i have to reclaim them
and i don't think that's going to be pretty