3/17

and i had an insight today about this,
about what is happening with me
since the moving began

painting is solitary
and this involves not only the time in the studio
but the time around it
and
that basically suits me

but even i have my social moments
and so to maintain that state requires an effort sometimes
and i have mastered that

but everything has a price
and in this case it has been a distance that creeps into my life irrespective of whether i want it or need it

and that's where i find i am now;
in the middle of this rather lonely place,
spending a lot of time by myself
but without it having a real purpose,
without the comfort of knowing that it benefits me
and without the tools to change it