12/25

for the first time in many years,
i am not in LA
i am not with my family

but at friends
who have a baby
(kind of,
more on that on animus)
who i have bought a gift for

a baby who i haven't met yet
a baby that i am convinced is about
6 months old
and then i find out
when i get there,
is 14 months

i mean,
when i say that i have lost part of my life
it's not a figure of speech
i really have
this is shocking
even to me
and it's why,
the thought of watching last year go by
while making this year's posts
is rather frightening to me