5/20

so it seems i have set up an impossible situation for myself,
made a lot of rules,
formed a lot of beliefs
that just trap me in a state of total
frustration, anger and despondency

there is some sort of cycle that i enter
where i won't voice my concerns or dissatisfactions
because it is uncomfortable for me
and i feel if i steel myself to do it
that effort will require "becoming another person"
and then i will lose the vulnerable side of myself that i need to do the work.

but not voicing these things
has awful, awful, hurtful consequences

i have to unlock this one