6/9

and why am i taking pictures
is it just habit at this point
is it just to fulfill this daily stuff?

it begs the question
"what if i just stop?
what if i just stop all the journaling?
what if it has become a crutch?
what if it is just keeping me in a rut?
what if i need to stop in order to grow?"

and my gut reaction is that i will cease to make work
and then
i will cease to be

and then i wonder
if i need to go there

so it comes down largely to a question of faith
and even that can be framed both ways:

do i have faith
that by sticking to what has been the cornerstone of my work;
this daily process,
i will pull through to the other side
and the voice that is suggesting i stop
is really just the temptation of...
the devil

or

do i have faith
that this need to make things
is deep inside me ,
that while it has been aided by the structures i have created for it,
it is not dependent on them
it is not inextricably linked to them
and that in fact
with a leap of faith
i can get off this plateau and continue into the next phase

neither answer is right
or
wrong
both will lead somewhere
but i am tormented by this
and have been for some time.