6/29

so this is what the resistance has been about
the flood of memories
those feelings of loss
not the loss of my old space
the loss of time away from my work
the loss of connection to myself
that emptiness
that sadness

but maybe
the fear of confronting it was worse
and maybe not confronting it was what caused it to well up so strongly inside
and as classic as it is
suppressing that probably exacerbated
the depression, the anxiety,
the fear

but you can't know these things when you are in them
it's just the psyche trying to protect itself from more pain

that's pirondelle btw
my first spirit