5/7

my fb post today:

today is my mother's birthday and today, as i have for the past 5 years, i post the lilacs i would have given her if she were still with us. she is alive for me in many ways, especially when i am engaged in things we shared: gardening, working with shells and stones, walking in nature... but in the past couple of months, since the pandemic hit, i have been missing her as a mom. since before i graduated from college, my relationship with Risha was more friendship than parent/child, so feeling this loss of "mother" makes this time particularly poignant.

we were supposed to have dedicated a bench to her this May, in the new lilac garden (still to be opened) at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden and it would have been the 5 year anniversary of her leaving. this was the biggest thing that the pandemic disrupted for me, but now i realize, that when we do it next year, it can be on her 90th birthday which makes me happy.