3/9

i am posting this on 3/10
and this is a very difficult moment for me...
i have been sick
and slept away a couple of days...
saturday was one of my oldest friend's bday,
i didn't remember to call her untiil 8pm

yesterday i managed to get out of the house
for a meeting with my brother and some activists he is involved with
who had traveled to NYC to meet with him

today (3/10) i am managing to catch up here
and because i look back to the previous year
i just now realized that yesterday was the 10th anniversary of my mother's death

i am shocked i didn't remember
even more so because chris & i were together
and talking about her

i know this could be seen as a positive sign,
that i have grown past a certain form of grieving
but honestly it feels like the most awful betrayal

it's been a hard week being sick
and having to watch so many things fall through the cracks
but this is really the worst