7/3

it was my friend gwendolyn's birthday yesterday,
i haven't seen or spoken to her in some time
i came to something as i was writing to her,
i got an understanding of why this has been such a very frustrating time for me;
basically
i feel as if my life stopped for 2 years
and in many ways it did,
when i left wooster street,
i walked out of my existence into some other one
the place i was living, figuratively (though literally as well)
was not mine
was not me
or at least not a me that felt connected

now i am faced with finding my way back
but the door through which i came has long since closed
it is a question of finding a new way back to the path i was on
but i am coming to it from a place i don't know
and i don't have a map
perhaps
once i get there
i will be able to integrate these two realities
and i won't feel as if
i have lost so much

this type of split is a very real state for me,
this fotola isn't called "the other side" for no reason,
my last show wasn't titled "through the looking glass" on a whim,
it's just that usually it's a choice
this time i just found myself there