5/27

and i feel like this
in a corner
trying to fly
this thing with my gallery
is a problem
having "that"
gave me some armor
with which to face the world
it makes being an "artist"
"acceptable"
in the eyes of people
who live for product
not process
it insulated me from that scrutiny
from that "what do you do" question
that is so beloved by our current culture

and
it's one more piece
of the very shaky foundation
that i am balancing on
that is gone.

it makes me feel as if i am not done "bottoming out"
it makes me feel as if i should accelerate the process
not keep trying to turn it around
i mean
what's left to turn around at this point?