7/11

everything was awkward today

the model was too skinny
and not happy,

we were concentrating on facial expressions
the light was bad
his features were too small
and i was too far away to see clearly

there was a guest lecturer
who was poorly prepared

i was having rapid fire hot flashes
every line was painful

i almost left

and then i remembered
remembered what a blessing this time is
not only as an opportunity to draw
but as a commitment
as a block of time i have set aside for an activity
no matter what

and then i remembered how powerful an exercise this can be
not only in doing something that makes you uncomfortable
but as a way of learning, of knowing,
that you CAN stick it out

and then i remembered how much a part of my process this experience is
how important it is to set these patterns of commitment
and how much easier it is to reinforce them
when you have the support of an outside situation
to fall back on you