1/1

in the wee hours of the new year,
i am wide awake
i am not sure why
perhaps it's the mosquitos again
maybe it's the air conditioner blowing on me
but why doesn't really matter
the problem is that i am awake

and not just awake
awake with an anxiety attack
and it is quickly becoming full blown

you see,
we are going on a ride today into the mountains and i know we will be off road
and i know it is a somewhat dangerous and arduous journey
and at this moment i am convinced that g/ & i will get separated from john
that we will be lost in the forest
perhaps one of us is injured
maybe the other has to go for help
i know that there are mountain lions
and i am terrified when confronted with the question of who will die first
and how we will die
and i have caused this all to happen.

in the light of day
after a few hours sleep
i can see this for what it was
but that doesn't lessen the impact of the sheer terror that i have faced
that was a real experience
and it has wiped me out