4/8

waiting for a resurrection

my head set is dismal
i have begun to feel that nothing will ever get done
i don't mean this in a general way
or in a metaphoric way
i mean
i am simply not able to acknowledge any forward motion
even with respect to the (albeit) little things that i accomplish
i just can't feel ANY sense of change, of growth, of progress.

this is draining
to not have any rewards
to not feel any movement

which came first
the chicken or the egg?
this feeling of stagnation
or
the actual lack of progress on the house?
and does it even matter
if baby bird is dead?

and from this comes an ever strengthened belief
that this renovation will NEVER happen

the architect was supposed to be on board by september
that happened late november
demolition was set to start late february
it will be a miracle if it starts by may

but when i express that i am afraid
that instead of the promised 4-6 months,
this will turn out to be an 8 month project
(possibly more)
everyone looks at me like i am a cuckoo head

i have a theory:
that it's better to confront the downside of things up front
and then try to minimize potential damage
rather than "look on the bright side"
and continually be disappointed

but i seem to be very alone in that
which only makes matters worse