5/15

i woke up today with such a strong sense of alienation
alientation from who i am

utterly sweeping
all i could see was how i am not me
how i am living too much in the world
how things in my life have become about "me"
my wishes
my needs
my desires
this is not my way
and i get no real joy
or real sense of fufillment by persuing things in this manner

i want to dissappear
return to my world
i am tired
of being strong
and saying i can do things that i can't
and then doing them anyway because they have to get done
i am tired of this

i have made some very, very wrong choices
maybe for good reasons
but they threaten to destroy me
because i thought for a minute
that i could do what other people do
live like they live
and remain intact