7/31

in the beginning
after 1 year had passed here
for a while
there was a sense of real excitement
every day
when i posted
i couldn't wait to see where i had been that day
1 year before
i couldn't wait to feel that sense of growth
and
i couldn't wait to see if i would find some connection,
some indisputable visual thread
linking the years

then
this "year" thing became problematic for me
for the past few years
it's been too painful sometimes
to confront that image,
from a year ago,
every day,
twice a day
to be on the edge of revisiting where i had been
and sometimes,
to not be able to do it
this has been hard for the past few years

and when i would think about this,
this past year
i felt that it would continue to be an issue for me
i felt that last year,
the move
would just be too much to face again
to live through again

i am happy to say
this is not the case
the process brings me relief
relief that i am past that point
relief that i have moved on
relief that i have grown through the experience
relief that i am no longer in "that" place

i am still "not anywhere"
but i am able to be here