4/6

this will be a shaggy cat story...

since i adapt cats
i usually don't know the exact date of their birth
so i take a stab at the month
and choose the 15th as their birthday
(myself, my brother and our maternal grandmother were all born on the 15th)
then this date goes in my calendar and repeats each year.

this spring,
i have been anticipating the anniversary of smudge's death;
of when i put her down.
surprisingly,
while i was getting a sense of it approaching
from my entries here last year,
i didn't feel it was eminent

then,
yesterday,
the following reminder pops up in my calendar:
Reminder: smudge @ Sat Apr 5, 2014 11:50am
and i think to myself:
strange, oski's "birthday" is march 15
and smudge was at least 5 months younger
so why would i have put her in for april?
and
why is it the 5th not the 15th?
and
usually i make these things an all day event,
i don't give them a specific time...
strange
and i left it at that.

it wasn't until the night
when i was doing yesterday's post
that i clicked on a year ago
and saw that it was indeed
the anniversary of her death.

it is strange how the mind works;
clearly my psyche felt
i was not able to handle the grief of remembrance
(i still miss her so)
on top of the stress of my mother's illness
and it just blocked the cognitive link
between the calendar reminder
and the question that was on my mind
about the anniversary of her death.

so i took yesterday's picture today;
her little grave in the garden
to commemorate